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Before yesterdayShining

When people don't like you

By Paul Colaianni
Ever have someone just not take a liking to you? When that happens, do you brush it off and move on with your day? Or do you brood about it wondering what you did wrong and what you can do right to make them like you? Is it okay to not be liked? I talk about that and more in this episode. visit and for more episodes

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  • May 31st 2020 at 06:00

When you have to make a big decision about the relationship

By Paul Colaianni
Sometimes when you're in a relationship with someone, you might not know where it's going or if it will even make it. I prefer taking action instead of waiting for things to happen. In this episode, I share some ways to take action when there's a decision to be made about the relationship. Visit and for more episodes on relationships

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  • May 27th 2020 at 21:02

Waiting for someone else to change so that your life will be better

By Paul Colaianni
When you're doing the work, but the people around you aren't, and you are hoping, wishing and even praying that they "see the light" and make the changes that will be good for them, but they simply don't or won't work on themselves, what's your next step? That's the subject of today's episode. Β  visit and for more episodes.

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  • May 24th 2020 at 06:00

The emotional aftermath of getting free of the narcissistic relationship

By Paul Colaianni
The emotional challenges you experience after breaking up with a narcissist usually go way beyond grieving the end of a relationship. You can be stripped of your ability to see life clearly from that point on unless you heal. In this bonus episode, I cover a lot of ground when it comes to dealing with what happens to your mind and body as you transition out of one of the more toxic relationships that exist. Visit and for more episodes about this and more subjects.

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  • May 21st 2020 at 01:01

Why you're not getting a second chance

By Paul Colaianni
When you get a second chance at a job, relationship, or anything that you wanted a do-over on, what's the best way to show up? Do you try to impress and show others how much you've changed? Or does that actually work against you? Visit for more episodes and check out for The SAFE System on Anxiety

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  • May 17th 2020 at 06:00

The toxic residue that lingers inside you from people that make you feel bad about yourself

By Paul Colaianni
When someone treats you badly, you can hold on to the emotions of that moment... forever. That diminishes your feelings of fulfillment and satisfaction and can linger with you even on your happiest days. It's time to address those emotional triggers that sneak up on you and ruin your day. Β  Websites: Difficult Relationships: Β 

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  • May 10th 2020 at 06:00

Learning that your adult child suffered child sexual abuse

By Paul Colaianni
What is the right thing to do or say when your adult child tells you about their sexual abuse? I read an email from a mom who recently learned that her adult daughter was abused by another child when she was young. I bring my girlfriend Asha, an advocate for the prevention and healing of child sexual abuse, into a conversation about this topic for an honest, heartfelt discussion & guidance for the mom. Prevention & healing websites: The Overwhelmed Brain website: The Love and Abuse website for emotionally abusive relationships:

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  • May 7th 2020 at 01:20

When your top values aren't being met, the rest of it falls apart

By Paul Colaianni
When your top level values are being met in your relationships, the rest of it usually works out. When they aren't, you suffer and the relationship often fails. Every relationship, whether it's platonic, romantic, or family, contains components that make up what we value. Trust contains confidence and honesty whereas distrust contains fear and stress. I talk about that and read a few emails making for a variety show today. Β  Get more TOB at Learn how to deal with difficult relationships at

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  • May 3rd 2020 at 06:00

Know and stand by your standards for the healthiest relationships possible

By Paul Colaianni
We're all in relationships of some sort, but how happy those relationships are will depend a lot on what you're willing to allow and unwilling to accept. What you allow into your relationships sets the tone for the rest of the time you are with these people. If you allow toxic behavior, life will feel pretty miserable. Relationships require you to have some courage to stand up for what is right for you. Visit for more content on behavior and relationships. Visit if you are having difficulty in your relationship. #emotionalintelligence #selfhelp #personalgrowth #lifeishard #personaldevelopment #selfhelptools #beyourself #authenticity #unlimitedpotential #motivational #youareamazing

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  • April 26th 2020 at 06:00

When you desperately want an explanation or closure but you can't get it

By Paul Colaianni
You know that feeling you get when someone does something that surprises you in a bad way but they don't tell you why? When you aren't given the reason for their behavior, you may walk around with that unfinished business feeling . It's what happens when you really want to move on from an event in your life but just can't seem to get past the fact that you don't know why it happened. It's a tough place to be, but it needs to be resolved if you're going to move on and enjoy life again. Visit theoverwhelmedbrain.com For help in navigating the difficult relationship, visit loveandabuse.com

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  • April 19th 2020 at 06:00

How to feel better about yourself

By Paul Colaianni
Carrying around dysfunctions from childhood makes all your interactions harder and your life tougher. Add to that anyone that says anything critical to you, and any negative feelings you have about yourself are amplified. It's time to access a part of yourself that helps you feel good about yourself - maybe even great.

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  • April 12th 2020 at 06:00

New relationships should not create worry about what it is or isn't

By Paul Colaianni
Long-distance dating can be more challenging than doing it in person, but should it contain anxiety, worry, and being completely unsure if it's even a relationship at all? Someone wrote to me and asked me about anxiety while dating during the pandemic. However, perhaps the answer has nothing to do with the Corona virus and more to do with the person she is trying to connect with.

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  • April 8th 2020 at 06:00

Getting comfortable letting go of what no longer serves you

By Paul Colaianni
Can you get back up after a big fall? If you're struggling to do so, your foundation may not be as stable as you'd hoped. The components that make up your life: Your job, your family, your home, the city you live in, your car, etc, all have some sort of meaning or value to you. When you start to let go that which no longer serves you, you start to free yourself from the toxic components. What do you value and what gives you heartburn every time you think about it? Sometimes removing one small thing from your life can make a big change.

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  • April 5th 2020 at 06:00

Making sure toxic people and toxic environments don't take over your life

By Paul Colaianni
What do you do when peace and happiness are just around the corner, but getting there is full of toxic obstacles that you feel powerless against? There may be priorities and values in place that need to be changed, but that's not all. When you don't make the changes you need to make, you end up holding on to resentments and building a wall around your heart so that you connect less and are more unhappy in general.

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  • March 29th 2020 at 06:00

When social anxiety, fear, and loneliness keep you from doing what you want to do

By Paul Colaianni
Social anxiety and feeling awkward in social situations is more normal than you might think. Not everyone is a gregarious extrovert that can start a conversation with anyone. If you're dealing with social anxiety, fear of judgment from others, or loneliness, and you feel like you're not living life to the fullest, this episode may be what gets you through the challenges. Get the SAFE Empowerment System for Social and Generalized Anxiety at quietbegins.com

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  • March 22nd 2020 at 06:00

When life seems like an endless series of dead ends

By Paul Colaianni
There's a path out of misery that some people don't take because of fear. But when the misery never ends, why not take that path? The gain is usually far greater than the loss. I talk about that path in this episode. I begin today's episode talking about the coronavirus and what you can do when you don't know what to do.

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  • March 15th 2020 at 06:00

The one question to ask yourself when you can't figure out what to do

By Paul Colaianni
There are many situations that show up in our lives that challenge us. Sometimes we are able to act authentically and have our truth motivate us to take the right steps. Other times, fear drives us to hold back what we really want to say or do, prolonging our challenges and keeping us from moving forward. The choices you make in crucial, challenging moments such as this can define your entire life, let alone predict your future level of happiness.

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  • March 8th 2020 at 07:30

Overcoming a general distrust of people and the benefit of taking risks

By Paul Colaianni
If you are cynical about people and feel vulnerable and exposed around most people you meet, perhaps it's time to address that in yourself so that you walk around in confidence. It takes courage and risk, but not at the cost you may think.

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  • March 1st 2020 at 07:00

Am I overreacting or are they just a jerk? And the woman who is the last to know about the family secret

By Paul Colaianni
Are you just too sensitive or is the other person really being a jerk? I read a follow up email from an episode a few weeks back and answer a question about the difference between being triggered and someone's bad behavior. In segment two, I change it up and talk about child sexual abuse and what might happen when the family secret is found out.

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  • February 23rd 2020 at 07:00

When the fear of abandonment keeps you from happiness

By Paul Colaianni
When you're needy and fearful of someone leaving you, or something ending, you tend to miss all the best moments of life. Fear of abandonment can dominate your thoughts causing you to miss out on happiness and fulfillment. When you grow beyond that fear, you might actually starting enjoying life again.

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  • February 16th 2020 at 07:00
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